Stranger in a Foreign Land

And I'm okay with that. My feelings about integration and being a foreigner in Germany have changed quite a bit since my post from April 27, 2009, entitled "Integration?" That post, written while I was studying in Tuebingen, described my excitement when I "forgot" that I was in Germany, meaning that I wasn't thinking about the fact that I was a foreigner and was just going about my routine without worrying if people could notice that I wasn't a native. I remember that during my whole study abroad experience I was concerned with doing everything "right," meaning the way the Germans do. Questions such as "did I punch my ticket right?", "did I use the right expression to thank the lady at the bakery?" or "will I stand out if I order tea instead of coffee?" were constantly running through my mind. I guess I had a fear of coming across as a dumb American, and I felt that during my semester abroad I somehow needed to learn everything about German culture.

Now, it's hard for me to imagine why I cared so much. I think it was a combination of being young and naive and feeling (self-imposed) pressure to adapt to Germany because of the likelihood that I would spend part of my life here with Pascal (for the record, neither he nor his family has ever made one negative comment about me doing something "un-Germanlike," and in fact probably like me better because I am American than if I were just some German girl from down the street). So really, I was making myself anxious over nothing.

During the year I've been teaching here in Dortmund I've felt much more relaxed about my role as an American in another country. It honestly does not bother me that I don't always know the "correct" way to do something. I don't mind speaking English in public with friends and laughing over linguistic or cultural misunderstandings. In fact, I'm going to appropriate this as an excuse for why there was such a long gap between my last two posts. I didn't write on this blog because nothing stood out to me that I immediately wanted to write about (in the interest of full disclosure, I was also lazy). I was simply living my life: work, university, friends, Pascal, baking, cooking, learning to knit and juggle. There were fun times and boring times, frustrations while teaching and successes at work. Overall, it was just a regular life, filled with the general types of activities, though there would be variations in the specifics, that I would have if I were living in Spokane or St. Louis or anywhere in the world. It didn't matter to me that I was living in a foreign country, while when I was in Tuebingen that was all I thought about.

I think I am more comfortable this year also because I have a higher level of linguistic skill and more cultural knowledge. In fact, I know more random information about German politics, history and literature than some of my German friends do, which would probably lead them to label me as "well-integrated." Achieving some level of integration, meaning comfort with the language and customs, seems to be a prerequisite to stop caring about integration.

I think acceptance that one can't know everything is also a factor at play here. When I was in Ireland with my dad, I immediately felt very comfortable because all signs and advertisements and announcements were in English, giving me a leg up on "integration" as opposed to non-English speaking countries such as Germany. However, our first interactions with Irish people made me aware that while I may speak a variety of the same language, I actually knew very little about Irish culture. This bothered me for a few seconds, but then I reminded myself, "who cares?" Nobody expects visitors to their country to be a walking encyclopedia about the local culture and customs. Politeness, inquisitiveness and some tourist dollars (or some other contribution to the economy, such as my job in Dortmund) will go a long way to ensuring a warm welcome, no matter where you are.